April 19, 2016

ONE YEAR: A Letter to My Daughter

To My Penny,

We are sitting on the couch next each other, and the sun coming through the gauzy curtains, bathing us in warm morning light. We are playing. I notice that there is a smudge of avocado behind your ear, left over from a now-routinely gymnastic breakfast experience.

As I sit here, I want to take you all in.

Your soft little ears, fuzzy with tiny golden hairs. Your crazy hair, which, just like you, definitely has a mind of its own. Your skin is so soft it's like silk.

You have an adorably toothy grin. Your grin brings me back my childhood, and I remember how I was embarrassed of my two front teeth. I'm instantly flooded with a fierce desire that you will never feel pain, embarrassment, or discomfort, over your teeth, or anything at all. Don't worry, I know this is silly.

Your hands are so expressive, having mastered the basics of baby sign language, and you tell me when you want something, and when you're done with something. You let me know when you want milk, and you let me know that you definitely know where your nose is. You are a marvel.

You have blue eyes with golden sunburst centers, that are alive and bright. They are the eyes of your grandmother, who I wish more than anything was here to see you grow. But we've talked about her, remember? She lives in your heart, and you live in hers. Someday you will live in the same place again!

Your little legs are so strong, and it occurs to me that they always have been. As soon as your muscles allowed it in the womb, your kicks let me know that you were there. Now your little legs carry you around the house, sometimes with mommy or daddy helping you walk, sometimes on your own, getting closer and closer to that next stage of independence.

You are growing so big my darling girl.

It has been nearly one year with you on the outside of me, and I am in awe.

Because you've already done so much. You have transformed a pair of two best friends into parents, and you have turned our home into the most beautiful classroom. You have brought countless minutes, hours, days of joys and challenges, and you continue to reveal who you are to us every day.

Thank you, my Penny. You have brought me such great understanding of what it must have been like for my own mother.

You have given me the gift of motherhood, my first and most darling daughter. You have transformed me, in ways I am still trying to understand.

So here is to many more years of laughter, growth, exploration, and getting to know each other even better.

I love you,
Your Mama

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