As I enter the third trimester of pregnancy, I am flooded with so many emotions.
Most notably: OMG THERE'S REALLY A BABY IN THERE AND SHE'S GOING TO COME OUT!
But more seriously, I've been reflecting on what an incredible journey this pregnancy has been. It's been hard, confusing, uncomfortable, surprising, joyful, exciting, and the most bizarre experience of my life. Having gone through a mixed bag thus far in life (great sorrow and great joy, and everything in between) I thought I knew what getting into pregnancy would mean for me. I had seen friends go through it, watched the movies, read the books, and thought I knew how I would react.
Yeah, it went differently.
To be honest, we didn't know if we would be able to have children. We had tried for awhile (over the course of several years), nothing happened, and so we were in this interesting limbo of being open to it...but not expecting to get pregnant. Anyone who has struggled to get pregnant can relate to feeling weird and confused about the whole thing, especially when watching others get pregnant so quickly and easily. (My sister-in-law got pregnant in one month. Both pregnancies. She is a fertile goddess!)
So when it finally happened (surprise!) it was the weirdest thing - I couldn't trust it. I was constantly fearful about having a miscarriage, worried that I was somehow going to mess it up...I just couldn't settle into the idea.
But then came the insane sickness that plagued me for 12 weeks...and I started to believe. :)
And then your belly starts to grow, and you hear a heartbeat, and you feel a kick (!!!), and then you meet your little girl over an ultrasound, and then you're taking birth classes, and then you're thinking about what you're going to bring to the hospital. And here we are.
Over the course of this journey my wish has been to trust and celebrate this miracle. These are my mantras for the third trimester. TRUST and CELEBRATE.
If you've known my husband for more than 5 minutes, you know that he is, well, the best. During the first trimester he starting writing his reactions down on his phone - mostly in poem form. He's letting me share his initial thoughts when I told him I was pregnant...they still make me cry.