Growing Up

October 5, 2012
Bed head and pajamas, my official uniform of choice. 
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ee cummings

I've been doing a lot of thinking this past month.

It was a refreshing break, not worrying about blogging away bits and pieces of life. It was great to take photographs, make delicious food, and go on adventures without feeling the need or expectation to post it on the internet. I realized that perhaps, with all the adventure of moving and settling in, that I'd been focused on what my life looked like online, rather than in real life. And that's a yucky feeling. 

It's been a time of real, honest realization for both Matthew and I. I naively thought that once we left Spokane, the snow, bad relationships, and the loneliness of being without family, that I'd be back to my normal, healthy, happy self. I'd jump back into my hobbies, get back to the things I love.

And I am more those things now, and for that I am extremely grateful. But I'm not the same person who lived here before. So much has happened in the last few years, and I'm just starting to evaluate the depth and breadth of those experiences.

And then it hit me that

this is what it feels like to grow up.

I feel changed, challenged, and freshly in a new phase of life where there are many unknowns. I'm considering who I am, what I want, and how I act. And a lot of it has been really hard, as it is for everyone.

Marriage is hard. Taking professional risks, hard. Being vulnerable and transparent, hard. Finding courage to keep going when you feel purposeless, hard. Realizing that no matter how extensively you try to plan your life and it turns out differently, hard.

But I have the feeling that I will look back on this time of life and feel so grateful for the growth that is happening.

I'm excited to share some recent fun things, like how I've turned into the Queen of all Santa Barbara free things...really, most of our place I've received free from the elite of SB. It's pretty sweet. :) And some recipes and pretty photos too.

How was your September? Anyone start school/any fun new projects? Celebrating fall yet?



  1. beautiful insight. I always enjoy blogging breaks. The hard part for me is it sometimes feels like I have to relearn/find my voice for a few weeks. But still worth it!

  2. I SO feel this post. growing up is hard, even when you realize that's what it is. my husband and I moved to Taiwan from the states 2 months ago, our first time ever in Asia, and it has been both incredibly difficult and awesome. I left my job and am currently career-less and it's hard sometimes to remember that the freedom to explore is a gift. good luck to you, and thanks for sharing.

    1. Wow, that does sound intense! I have moved twice now to accompany my husband who is now in the final stages of his education, and each time has been a real time of growth and assessment for me. Leaving behind a career can be so scary! But each time I've really been shown a new and more adventurous side of myself, one that is getting more and more used to adapting and figuring new things out. I hope it is the same for you, and best of luck in your new life abroad!

  3. Beautifully written. Honest and authentic!